looking good and dressing well is a necessity. having a purpose in life is not.
—
oscar wilde (via sarazucker)
Kevin told me that I’m not deep. Well, he said that I get deep with respect to problems, but not deep generally. I said, what is there besides problems?
It’s sad that, assuming I do get deep about problems, that I haven’t solved some simple ones. That is, looking good and dressing well would improve my life many times over. At least, that’s my guess and more than a few people have suggested it. Of course, what might hold be back is this contrary thought that the self, the thing that Kevin said I don’t get deep about, that is, everything that is, in the absence of problems, does keep me from progressing under a problem solving approach to life. I mean, I do have this strong thought that at my heart I’m a loser/freak/reject/etc, and I want to represent that. Like I don’t want to cover up the tracks from childhood to adulthood and pretend that I was always the “man you see before you today”, though I think I could pass pretty well.
I remember when Kevin and I went with Rhiannon and Rose to drive around and eat barbecue. Afterwards, Rhiannon told me that she thought Kevin had been mean to me. She fleshed it out like Kevin was constantly picking on me, or something. I forgot exactly what, but I remember in my mind thinking that the response was that Kevin expected a lot from me. Not in terms of what I should accomplish or even who I should be or whatever, but I think it’s that I should keep it real. And not just real in terms of who I am, but my trajectory in getting there, what happened along the way, where i started. Although, we do revise history all the time, I think the essential spirit is there.
